Monday, August 08, 2005

Talk about thought-provoking

I would expect that many of you read this blog purely for the gentle, witty banter inspired by the ongoings of my life. In fact, I don't blame you one bit for your motivation, because there is nothing that makes me happier than this banter that you have grown so accustomed to during this past year. Today's post is a horse of a completely different color as I share with you a significant moment from the past day or so. That being said, I would ask that you read the following narrative with a great deal of respect and care.

Scientists and sleep doctors say that we dream all the time we are sleeping. There are hardly any times that I an actually remember the happenings of my dreams, and to tell you the truth, most of the time they are so weird that I don't care to remember them anyway. Most people say that dreams are a manifestation of unresolved emotion, our brain's way of dealing with all of those things that have happened to us in the previous day or so.

Last night I had what was possibly the most vivid dream in my recent memory. With your permission, I will not share it with you in the greatest of detail. Also, please keep in mind that some of the connections may not make sense to you. Heck, they don't make any sense to me, either!

What I remember at this point was being in what I felt to be a bank and meeting this girl, probably just around my age. I was immediately struck at how beautiful she was, with blond hair about chin-length and straight. She was probably my height (for those that care, that is important to me as well:) and was wearing a sweater with jeans. We were in Holland, I think, and it was the wintertime. We were watching TV in her (or my) apartment for some part of the dream, and then we were at the Brewery enjoying each other's conversation. For some part of the dream, I didn't know her name and I am not really sure it matters anyway, but at some point, I learned that her name was Courtenay. Interesting name, and not one that I am usually attracted to, but it was just a dream, anyway.

I remember thinking the whole time that I wanted it all to be true. The element of it being a dream must have been part of my conscious at the time. What mattered most about the whole thing is that it felt like the most perfect, trusting love that anyone could ever hope for, the kind of love that we are searching for in this life.

Let me make something very clear about this dream, something very significant. Other than the fact that I was physically attracted to this person, there was nothing physical about the dream itself. It was nothing like that. There was a feeling of purity and innocence that surrounded the whole thing. Maybe that is what made it feel so right.

I wanted it to be true. I wanted to wake up and have the whole thing be a true story. I wanted that person to exist, but when I woke up, she wasn't there and I couldn't even think why the dream had happened to me. I do remember one time, though, when I was in high school when I had a dream that was very similar. The context was different of course, but the feeling remained the same. I believe that one can be content in their singleness and still desire that relationship to come along.

I look around me and see high school and college sweethearts that are or are getting married, some that are still only dating, and some that have even broken up. The reality for me is that my time of having a high school or college sweetheart has probably passed. There were those relationships that were so important in my development into the person I am today, but the fact remains that I have moved on.

All of this leads me to believe that she has not come into my life. The amazing part of it all is that she is out there somewhere, leading her life and hopefully waiting patiently for me as well. Is she around my age? Does she have a similar or completely different career? Is she dating someone right now? Where is she? When will we meet, or have we met already? These are the questions I consider as I wait patiently (or not) for this person to enter my life.

I will not soon forget that feeling that burned so deep within me in that dream. The feeling that everything was right, not perfect, but right. I think God gave me a glimpse of coming attractions in the hope that I will stay focused on the day-to-day and following him.

I hope that's what the real deal is like, that it feels that exact same way. I think it does and I think it will.